Child Arrangements at Christmas

Co-parenting can be difficult at the best of times, but the Christmas holidays are particularly challenging as the added expectation of Christmas being ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ can weigh heavily on parents who have to make difficult decisions about how to divide their children’s time between both parents, and wider family, over Christmas.

The first step to coming to an arrangement is to open the dialogue with your co-parent, and to do it early so that both you and the children know what to expect and have time to adjust to the plans. Your relationship may be strained, so be mindful of how you initiate the conversation as you are both likely to have strong feelings about the issue which exacerbates your own sense of hurt and loss.

Try to approach the topic flexibly rather than having a pre-determined outcome in your mind. Ultimately, the wellbeing and best interests of your children should be the focus, so with this in mind, aim to keep the discussion as respectful and constructive as possible. If an agreement is reached, it can be helpful to document it to avoid any disagreements later down the line. This can be done informally or via a Parenting Plan: Parent Plan Start (cafcass.gov.uk)

It may be helpful to try and keep shared traditions as afar as possible to provide consistency for the children. Similarly, it may be appropriate to try and arrange shared gifts from the both of you to avoid any sense of competition about which parent is giving ‘more’ or ‘better’ gifts, especially where there is a disparity in financial circumstances. This is not going to be possible in many cases where that level of unity has broken down, in which case try and focus on making new traditions and include the children in coming up with new ideas.

Common arrangements for dividing the Christmas period between parents are as follows:

1. Share the key 3 days (Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day) equally by one parent spending time with the children on Christmas eve and half of Christmas day and the other spending time with the children for Christmas day afternoon and boxing day.
2. Alternating Christmas day and Boxing day. Another approach is for one parent to have the children on Christmas day and the other to have the children on boxing day. This can then alternate each year and provides a method for the children to experience a second Christmas day with the other parent.
3. Where matters remain amicable and the family set up allows, it may be possible for Christmas day still to be spent together as a family unit, or at least part of it.

We understand that there are circumstances which means that it is not always possible to decide the arrangements directly, but there are several other tools available to help you, including:

1. Counselling for co-parents – co-parenting counselling/coaching is a specialised service to help co-parents navigate issues such as Christmas arrangements, supported by a qualified professional in a safe environment. The benefits of this goes beyond Christmas arrangements and being able to co-parent more effectively will benefit discussions around the children all year long.
2. Mediation – mediation provides a confidential forum where a trained independent mediator will facilitate constructive discussions to help you reach an agreement. Your solicitor can also attend to advise you on your legal position, which we find often results in a more productive process to keep the parties on track.
3. Solicitor correspondence – if communication with your co-parent is simply not an option or has broken down, these issues can often be resolved via solicitor correspondence. Our lawyers are members of Resolution: About Resolution | Resolution and commit to working in a non-confrontational way which facilitates resolving these difficult issues.
4. Arbitration – arbitration is a form of final and binding dispute resolution where an arbitrator is appointed to act in a similar manner to a judge. The benefit is that it results in a binding decision without litigating in the public court system.
5. Court application – if all other options are unsuccessful, you can consider applying to the court for a Child Arrangements Order to outline all arrangements, including Christmas. Although judicial input is sometimes the only way to resolve the dispute, issuing proceedings should be viewed as a last resort. The public court system can be very costly especially given the court’s significant delays. The courts will also expect the parties to have engaged in forms of non court dispute resolution such as mediation.

Speak to an expert

If you are seeking legal advice on the arrangements for Christmas, or more generally, please don’t hesitate to contact us on 0345 209 1000 or send an enquiry.